05.10.2009

05/10/2009, Monday, 12.17a.m.

Should be sleeping by now but all of sudden, I have this urge to do a little update here. Probably just an excuse for not going to bed. There is this Model Industry Concept starting tomorrow at 9.00a.m. Having thought that it was a two-week and full-day thingy, I felt much relieved when I heard that it is gonna last for six days only and to be more accurate, we only have to go to school on the first and the last day, with the four days in between being our project preparation time. >.<

The starting of this Model Industry Concept also signifies that I am done with my Sem 5 classes. How fast? and how ironic, I am still in the midst of blurness, not having any sign of relief. erm. Never the right word to describe my feeling. Put it this way.. Sem 5, having no morning classes, no practicals, no class tests and less portfolios, was somehow, still stressful and busy. Of course, I still shopped a lot (=p) but other than that, I think I didn't manage to do much, I still screwed up my OSCE as usual, never being able to walk out from CSU confidently. It was always full of shit and embarassment I should say? argh! Getting the lowest marks that I have ever heard for attachment? What was that about?!

Well well. No more negative thinkings. Be confident, be positive is all I need right now. Things might get really really bad sometimes but only when you face it positively, they somehow seem to be not that bad after all. Really got to buck up myself. Hopefully I can start by working a little bit harder for EOS this time? hehe. Yeah right..Never look back and work for the future! =D

Ups and downs with friends. But all after all, I am glad to have you all by my side. Someone there to share my anger and frustration, someone there to give me words of encouragement and to comfort me when I am like super scared and nervous of something? Haha. And I miss my old old friends too. I might not be contacting with u all frequently but yes, I remember you! =D

I have lots of things in mind..a mixture of feelings which I don't know how to express. Watched this movie Tsunami yesterday. I was crying like hell towards the ending. It was touching but the real reason of dropping tears was that it triggered my inner feelings. Many things that are beyond my effort and yet always make me regretted. I am never good enough as a daughter, a sister or even a gf. With people always love me and protect me all along my life so far, I don't actually do much to pay back. I know there shouldn't be excuses but sometimes, I choose to hurt people, to blame people in order to protect myself or to escape from reality, not wanting to admit my fault or to feel guilty.

I know myself well. But I am doing very little to improve. All I want to say is I am sorry and I love you all. Many words that I wish to say, I actually choose to keep it deep down to my heart. My sleepy eyes and my expressionless face actually say a lot of things at times. HAha!

Forgive me for the long post. Just being random, again. =) Nitez. (Very much deviated from the original purpose of this post, which is to update my current life. So forget it. Not sure how to continue. Blerk!)